“I’d like to, but its just not coming.”
I think the line from the video above perfectly encapsulates what has been going on with me and photography lately. A past version of me would have found it strange to share personal feelings and thoughts in such a vast public forum as the internet. However, I've come to realize that my little photo blog is just one of many in the vast sea of the internet, and the experience is personal to me nonetheless. This blog marks a transition of sorts, a rare glimpse into the in-between time of creativity and motivation. It's a time when ideas are slow to come, but when they do, they are often the most rewarding.
The truth is that I’ve struggled with photography for the last few years. I think sometimes it is alluring to fall into the trope of the chaotic artist (and it can be very fun for a while), but eventually you learn that it is more about doing the activity than the final result of it. I guess thats why I’ve always preferred shooting over editing and I will horde rolls of film and digital files for months before even looking at them to edit. Lately, I’ve struggled with not just photography, but even just leaving my house to do the act itself (or leaving my house period). Periods of transition often come with new mental riddles for us to figure out and I think the thing that I used to get from experiencing photography I have not been getting for a long time. The tough to swallow pills is that it is 100% my fault for thinking I could neglect the importance of the process vs. the outcome. It led me to years of confusion and more recently a slither of clarity or a spark of motivation to approach everything in an entirely new way once again.
I became obsessed with photography in high school, and for a long time, it was just about having fun. But once people started to like my work, it brought with it expectations. The truth is, I've gone through a lot of changes since I picked up a camera for the first time over 15 years ago, and one of the biggest has been in the last 8 months. My pictures hardly reflect any of that.
I've never been a fan of people explaining their work, but I also enjoy learning about the backstory of the things that inspire me. The little unseen factors that go into creating the things I like are always more interesting than the things themselves. I like to wonder how someone got to where they are in their creative journey. For me, it was through 15 years of abusing drugs and alcohol that led me to this exact spot in my creative journey. As I work through the backlog of what my life used to consist of and begin to shoot more of what it is now, I think its important to share that for a change (I guess thats a way of saying blog posts will come with words now).
The next step, whatever my life or this work or this hobby or whatever the hell you want to call it will be, I've just taken to calling it THE NEW WHATEVER.
